Can't we all just get along?

Workplace conflict is one of those necessary evils that creeps up in different ways – usually when you least expect it. What’s your comfort level dealing with conflict? Do you confront it straight on or do you run for cover?

Fundamentally, conflict arises when two or more people disagree. It involves opinions, egos, the need to be right and, in some cases, a fierce need to take a stand. It shows up in many different ways:

• “I don’t like you.”

• “I don’t agree with what we’re doing.”

• “I have so much work and she shops online all day.”

• “Why do we need to upgrade this software? We’re doing fine with what we have.”

• “My co-worker is dragging his feet and it’s delaying the entire project.”

All of these examples fall under the umbrella of things over which you have no control. Start with what you can manage.

You don’t have control over someone else’s behavior; organizational, market or economic change; your coworkers’ personal problems and whether they’re slackers on the job; or whether someone was the victim of road rage on the way to the office.

You do have control over your own behavior, the way you handle change, how you regulate your emotions, and how you respond to other people’s behavior.

You also have control over your intention, which can crystallize your focus to resolve the issue.

The more that you can create a win-win scenario, the more likely you will be to resolve differences with civility and professionalism. Here are some things to consider.

• Begin with the end in mind. Know what you want for the outcome. Show respect to others by asking what they want to achieve. This tells you whether you’re miles apart in the actual end goal, or if the process to achieve the goal is the core issue. 

• Are you listening? I mean, really listening? Often when conflict arises the involved parties are so caught up defending their own point of view that their listening skills evaporate.

• Think before you speak. Enough said. 

• Don’t “poke the bear.” I cringe when I hear people exacerbate situations by aggressively pushing the other people into a corner. This is almost always a lose-lose scenario.

• Watch your attitude. If you resist and persist, the negative outcome that you fear is likely the one that will occur. Change your attitude, and you might be surprised by the outcome.

Use TTI SI’s assessment tools to your advantage. For example, let’s say that a conflict exists between someone whose core style is D (dominance) and S (steadiness). Right from the beginning, there is a stylistic conflict. The high D can be aggressive and “in your face,” while the high S becomes intractable and doesn’t show emotion while digging in his heels.

When you use the language, demeanor, and style of the opposing party, it will go a long way to reduce your differences. Remember, people feel more understood when you use the mannerisms, tone of voice, body language and gestures that they use most often.

Do you really need to be right or would you like to reach an agreement and move on? Remember to keep your intention to resolve the issue top of mind for a win-win outcome.